Lead Without the Permission Slip
Isn’t it time to tear up the permission slip?
The Unapologetic Advantage of Challenging the Rules
Remember those elementary school adventures when you needed a permission slip to go? If you didn’t have your permission slip, there was no adventure. The idea of needing permission starts early. We unconsciously learn that before we can participate, try something new, or step outside of the norm, someone else has to sign off. As we move into adulthood, some of us carry that permission slip into the workplace.
The outcome looks like waiting. Waiting to be invited, chosen, until we’re ready or for someone to tell us it’s okay.
For years, I’ve heard HR practitioners talk about wanting to be invited to the strategy table. For some, that desire can become a barrier. Waiting for the invitation instead of recognizing the value they can bring to the conversation.
Ready or Not
This month's Unapologetic Advantage is dedicated to my fellow HR Disruptors! The practitioners I was fortunate enough to share the stage with in Rhode Island a few weeks ago. We came from different backgrounds. We had varying levels of speaking experience, HR tenure, and expertise.
But we had something important in common: We were all willing to take the stage despite what our inner critic may have been telling us.
That may have sounded like:
Are you sure you're ready enough?
What if the audience doesn’t like it?
What if someone in the room knows more than you?
Who are you to say this?
Whatever the question, we did it anyway. We stepped on stage with a room full of our peers and modeled: “I'm willing to try something different.” Ready or not.
Our growth edge lives at the intersection of fear and capability. Everyone showed up, stretched, and grew from the experience.
Five Minutes. That's It.
Participating in Disrupt HR was one of the most fun stretch assignments I’ve sought out. The challenge is the format. Only five minutes to deliver and contribute something meaningful, make it land, and do it while your slides advance on a 15-second timer.
When your five minutes are up, your walk-off song lets you know it's time to leave the stage.
There isn't much room for overthinking. Which is exactly why my talk, “Unapologetic on Purpose: How HR Can Disrupt the Unwritten Rules of Leadership,” felt so fitting.
The Unwritten Rules
There are rules we learn without anyone formally teaching them. An invisible rulebook about how to succeed, how to be perceived, how to act, how to get ahead, or how to fit in. They can feel stifling and heavy, while impeding our ability to bring our whole selves into the room. I challenged the audience to rewrite the unwritten rules.
I framed these through four categories:
UNSPOKEN
This is where your leadership can shine.
When you pay close attention to culture, you may find political dynamics disguised as culture. Vague definitions of success and networking norms often aren’t spoken. Hidden rules create barriers.
Naming those hidden expectations and bringing them into the open is one way to change the practice.
UNEQUAL
Are we measuring leadership potential consistently or differently depending upon who it is?
Sometimes the same behavior is reinforced unequally. One person is pushed toward their potential and marketed as a rising star, while another may be labeled difficult simply because they spoke out.
Exposing biases and inconsistencies is one way to bring this into balance.
EXPENSIVE
Burnout is not a badge of honor and certainly not a leadership competency. We need to redesign leadership expectations to include healthy boundaries. This could be part of the answer to creating the next generation pipeline of leaders. They may actually want to become a leader if they can see that you can achieve results without sacrificing their well-being.
Old models reward overwork. We can choose to reward sustainable leadership instead.
OUTDATED
“We have always done it this way” is not a strategy. If organizations are preparing today’s workforce by preserving traditions from yesterday’s workplace, those practices are outdated. Legacy practices need to be questioned, disrupted, or jettisoned if they no longer serve people or performance.
It may be time to modernize our talent practices and rethink what we’ve accepted as the way leadership works.
We don't just inherit unwritten rules. Sometimes, we internalize them. You can’t change what you're unwilling to see.
The Pink Rule
I shared a story about being told not to wear pink if I wanted to grow in my HR leadership career. If you’re following along and have read Unapologetic on Purpose: The Inside-Out Approach to Impactful Leadership, it’s Chapter 7: Unapologetically Confident in Pink.
This wasn't really about a fashion statement. It was a clear message about fitting a mold if I wanted to grow as an executive. Be polished and professional, just not too bold and don’t stand out too much.
The next day, I came into the office dressed head-to-toe in bright pink, shoes to match and my signature bright pink lipstick. I joke that if I could have dyed my hair pink, I would have.
But underneath the pink was a leadership decision:
I wasn't willing to make myself smaller to fit someone else's definition of leadership.
That moment stayed with me and reminds me that it was never about color, it was about control. You can be bold and don’t have to fit the mold. Today, I still wear pink and not because it's my favorite color. It reminds me that I don’t need to shrink to fit someone else’s expectations.
Lead Without the Permission Slip
The Unapologetic Advantage isn't about breaking every rule. It's about recognizing which rules are worth following, and challenging which ones that deserve to be questioned.
Because leadership doesn't always require an invitation.
Sometimes it requires initiative, courage or nothing more complicated than deciding:
I'm going to try.
That's what I saw on that Disrupt HR stage. People willing to step outside what was comfortable and bring a different perspective in the process. They all took the risk of being seen. It’s not that they weren’t nervous or afraid. They just weren’t going to let fear make the decision for them.
That is the real advantage of leading without the permission slip. You stop measuring your readiness by the absence of fear and you start measuring it by your willingness to move forward despite it. Those sweaty palms, red face and feeling of being punched in the gut doesn’t mean you're not ready. It could mean you’re standing at the edge of your growth.
Build Bold Confidence From the Inside Out
Here's the practical part. If you're wondering where you might be waiting for permission, try this simple Permission Check:
1. NAME IT
What are you waiting for permission to do?
Speak up
Apply for that big job
Ask the question
Challenge the status quo
Say no
Take the lead
2. NAME THE RULE
What are you telling yourself about why you can't?
3. QUESTION IT
Stop filling in the story of why you can’t. Who actually said “I can’t?”
4. TAKE ONE BOLD STEP
Don't wait until you feel completely confident. Pick one thing that can move you forward.
Send the email
Have the conversation
Share the idea
Take the seat at the table
Tear up the metaphorical permission slip and lead like yourself.
That's the inside-out shift. Bold confidence isn’t built by waiting until you feel ready, it’s built by trusting yourself to take the next step.
